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Big mistake: assuming that others communicate the same as you.

Have you ever experienced being able to relate easily and comfortable with certain people yet other people are difficult to talk to? This article explains how this happens and how to solve this important problem.

Many an important project has been derailed because of poor communication. Do not make the BIG mistake of assuming that others communicate the same as you. All people do not communicate alike. Recognize that about two thirds of the people with whom you interact have a behavioral style different from yours. To be effective with these two thirds, you must learn to recognize and adapt your behavior to theirs - and you will triple your ability to make friends and influence people.

You will then have powerful tools for:

1. Gaining Commitment and Cooperation

2. Resolving and Preventing Conflict

3. Building Effective Teams

4. Providing Awesome Customer Service

5. Gaining Influence

~Stan

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Lesson I - How to Be a Great Communicator

To be a great communicator you must first:

1. Understand your own communication style.

2. Recognize others’ communication style.

3. Purposely adopt strategies for more effective communication.

To easily understand behavior - observe whether a person is:

1. Introverted or extroverted

2. Task oriented or people oriented

This gives you four communication styles:

1. Extroverted and task oriented

2. Extroverted and people oriented

3. Introverted and task oriented

4. Introverted and people oriented

To become a great communicator, begin by observing yourself

1. Are you more introverted or extroverted? When challenged by a situation, do you hang back to see what develops and try to figure out the best way to handle the situation, or do you immediately step forward to meet the challenge? Note that neither approach is superior. They both have their advantages.

2. Are you task oriented or people oriented - more focused on getting the job done even at the expense of people, or is your first concern the reaction of the people involved?

3. Discover into which of the four categories (described above) you fall.

Understanding this about yourself will start you on your way to becoming a Great Communicator.

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Lesson II - Quick Method of Determining Your Behavioral Style

Knowing your own communication style is the first step in becoming a great communicator. It gives you a basis to understand to whom you naturally communicate well and what you need to do to connect well to people with other styles.

Take this quick assessment to understand your style. In each of the four category lists below there are 10 adjectives. Check all those in each category that would fit your behavior at work.

Read the four categories and select which adjectives come closest to describing you.

CATEGORY I

__Adventuresome


__Competitive


__Daring


__Decisive


__Direct


__Innovative


__Persistent


__Problem solver


__Results oriented


__Self-starter

CATEGORY II

__Charming


__Confident


__Convincing


__Enthusiastic


__Inspiring


__Optimistic


__Persuasive


__Popular


__Sociable


__Trusting

CATEGORY III

__Amiable


__Friendly


__Good Listener


__Patient


__Relaxed


__Sincere


__Stable


__Steady


__Team Player


__Understanding

CATEGORY IV

__Accurate


__Analytical


__Conscientious


__Diplomatic


__Fact-finder


__High standards


__Quality Conscious


__Patient


__Precise

HOW TO SCORE:

Count the number of selected adjectives in each category. The category with the highest total is usually the one that best describes your style. You may have a second category with almost the same score. That would be your secondary style.

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[Please note: the assessment offered you in Lesson II of this newsletter is a simplified and therefore less accurate assessment than that provided by longer, validated instruments. For a FREE, more accurate, refined and valid profile of your communication style, visit http://www.stanmann.com/free-assessment.html.

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Lesson Three - Understanding Your Particular Style

After having completed the check list from last Lesson’s letter, you have determined your behavior falls into CATEGORY 1, 2, 3 or 4.

IF YOUR BEHAVIOR IS LIKE CATEGORY 1:

Category 1 Measures your Dominance; how you meet challenges. We will now refer to this as Category D (for Dominance).

YOUR STRENGTHS ARE:

If your behavior is primarily described in category D, you are most likely a direct, results-oriented person who enjoys challenges. An extrovert, you are interested in getting the job done. You like novelty and a fast paced environment. You want bottom line answers uncluttered by details. These strengths make you valuable to an organization because you cause action, get things done, even if it involves taking risks. You have a lot of drive and can make a good leader.

SHORTCOMINGS OF CATEGORY D:

However, you probably lack patience and cut people off with your direct bottom line approach. Your overriding concern with results tends to discount the people involved. You may be a poor listener and miss valuable insights from others. Under stress you may become insensitive.

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR EFFECTIVENESS:

You can improve your effectiveness by understanding that you need people. Learn patience and be less irritated when deadlines are missed. It would help you to be more tactful and concerned for the feelings and attitudes of others. People will be more cooperative when you explain your reasons for your conclusions. Endorse others for their contributions. Remember they like it as much as you. Genuine endorsement is a powerful motivator.

FLEXING YOUR STYLE TO INCREASE YOUR EFFECTIVENESS:

People more like yourself will respond well to your direct, fast paced, decisive approach. You don’t have to flex your style with these people.

However, you will do well to modify your approach to people who behave more like described in the other three categories. Learn the three styles of other people and flex your style accordingly.

© 2004/2006 Stan Mann.
Stan Mann, C.P.C. supports business owners, top executives and commission salespeople to substantially grow their business and have a balanced life. He is a Certified Professional Coach. For additional articles and resources please visit http://www.stanmann.com.

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If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in a snug car seat with even snugger straps and nothing to do, you might not be a huge road trip fan either. Road trips are getting more fun for the younger set as portable and built-in DVD players become more and more common, but sometimes even watching videos gets old.

When it’s time to resort to good old fashioned road trip entertainment, we’ve got the time-tested, mother approved activities for you:

Trip Bag. At the beginning of the trip, surprise your kids with a Trip Bag, filled with goodies you’ve selected for them ahead of time, like activity books, small toys, books, snacks and more.

Music. Listening to CDs of your child’s favorite songs and singing along will help the time pass faster. Choose song collections with finger games and verses your child will know, like Itsy Bitsy Spider, BINGO and This Old Man.

Electric Reading Books. The popular learn-to-read “books” like My First LeapPad by LeapFrog or the Power Touch Learning System by Fisher Price will engage your child’s interest with words, stories and games featuring favorite characters, Thomas the Train, Strawberry Shortcake and Arthur.

Game Boy Advance. We usually pack this for the adults, but now it’s also great to share with our toddlers thanks to the kids videos that are now available. We love the Dora The Explorer: Game Boy Advance Video Vol. 1 featuring 3 Little Piggies and Big River.

I Spy. The classic game that kids from 2 to 12 can enjoy! The person who’s turn it is picks out something everyone can see and says, ” I spy something” and then describes the color, shape size or location to give clues. She answers “yes” or “no” to questions. The correct guesser becomes the next spy.

Scavenger Hunt. Make a list of things you may see on a road trip and as you find them on your travels, check them off. For toddlers, find, print and laminate pictures of things on our scavenger hunt list to make the game visual. This game is also easily adaptable to older kids, who can check items off on the list. Try making the activity competitive, and allow only the first person who sees the item to check it off. Click here for a starter list for your road trip scavenger hunt!

Car Bingo. This is a variation of the travel scavenger hunt, fun for older toddlers and young children. Make bingo cards using the items listed above in our road trip scavenger hunt, using four squares up and four across. Cover the squares of things like police cards, stop signs and bicycles as you find them on your travels. Click here to visit Sesame Street for a set of bingo cards you can print!

Lap Desk. Make or buy a lap desk to make activities easier for kids traveling in the back seat. A good traveling lap desk will have a cushy bottom to conform to your child’s legs and help keep the top stable. Some models have zipper pockets or containers to hold crayons and pens.

About the Author

For more great information about expecting and parenting, visit MomRecommended.com, a site for moms by moms. Annie Valle is a freelance writer, web designer and a mom. You’ll find product reviews, recipes, baby names, free projects and more, when you visit http://www.momrecommended.com.

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As a Copy Editor and Web site Reviewer I would like to share some concepts on writing with you. Let me begin by mentioning that for those of you that hate to write and have found the need to share your thoughts there is hope!

Ghostwriters can effectively create content rich content for your use usually for a very small fee. Look at most all of our President’s First Ladies’ books that have been written in recent years. Each and every one was written by a ghostwriter. For example I have heard it said, Hillary Clinton’s book “It Takes A Village” was written by not one but three ghostwriters. However you don’t have to be famous to take advantage of these services. If you do decide that you want to write your own story perhaps you might want to make note of some of the most misused words and phrases so you don’t get caught in their snares.

The most often abused set of words that are used ineffectively and improperly are the two words ‘effect’ vs. ‘affect’. Think of it this way, effect is the thing that causes the action while affect is the end result. Perhaps that will help you keep those two from being entangled. I am sure you can think of many more that you have tripped over from time to time. To my thinking the second set that you should pay attention to is the set or words ‘its’ and it’s’. The first one is possessive, meaning something belongs to it while the second is a contraction for the two words ‘it is’. Watch out for those two and if you find yourself stumbling over them read them out loud as ‘it is’. If it doesn’t make sense that way then it is wrong and you should not use the apostrophe.

A wide vocabulary is a repository that pulls together your ideas and generates powerful arguments. Have you ever been in mid thought or sentence and said, “What’s that word I’m looking for?” As an author and editor I find myself constantly searching for just the right word or phrase. One of the most valuable tools to employ is a thesaurus. However there are times when even those will fail you. Perhaps you have been looking for a tool to supplement your current source or one that will assist you in understanding the proper usage and definitions.

For the last year I have been using White Smoke. If you would like more information on this wonderful program White Smoke offers a demo at their website at (http://network.adsmarket.com/click/imNsnY2ff523YZicZZ1-w4tjmJ6NnYOUjw). It provides not only antonym and synonyms but definitions as well. Another benefit of using this program, for me, is that you can specify the type of writing you are doing and it will provide you with options that fit that writing style. For example, if you are writing a business letter the suggestions it gives for enhancement and replacement are totally different than if you were to specify your content was for dating purposes. I am certain you will find this tool a valuable resource.

Words should be fun. Learning to use them properly is imperative in the internet environment. Not only spelling but sentence structure are all laid bare as we are limited to the written word for most of our online communications. The right words in the right form written in a well formed sentence can clarify and fortify your message.

Language reflects not only our culture but our ideas. It explains our lives and our life experiences. It is our way of transferring our observations and perceptions to one another. Communication is a two way street. It helps you understand the others and others understand you. This being the case it is important to remember to clearly state what you want the reader to understand. For instance, just because you know what an acronym means doesn’t mean your reader will. Clarity makes for better understanding and better understanding makes for better communication. You may know that SEO means Search Engine Optimization but your reader might not. So, write out your acronym no matter how often you have used it in the past before relying on it to stand alone in your writing. Clarity is key! If your sentence seems too long it probably is; break it into two easier to understand sentences in that case. Remember to keep your sentences short and sweet they will be much easier for your reader to follow along.

Yet another point that bears making is that when you use words improperly or even just spell them incorrectly it implies that either you are lazy, misinformed, or just plain uneducated. There are several words that seem to inevitably end up misspelled. You may want to make a mental note of some of these so that you don’t trip over them. I will share with you a few of them here but please note this is in no way a comprehensive list.

Accidentally
Definite
Disappoint
Duel
Existence
Immediately
Impostor

Incidentally
Parallel
Principal
Principle
Sentence
Separate
Speech
Too
Tragedy
Until
Villain

One valuable piece of advice is not to overuse ‘big words’ just for the sake of using them. I strongly agree with Don Watson’s principals clearly stated in his book “Death Sentences”. Management Speak (and over usage of unfamiliar terms) will make your listener or reader’s go brain-dead quicker than a Sunday sermon. I offer the following excerpt from a book I recently acquired, see if your brain picks up every word and follows along with what the author is trying to express or if, like me, your brain shuts down and your eyes glaze over.

“Not a succedaneum for satisfying the nympholepsy of nullifidians, it is hoped that the haecceity of this enchiridion of arcane and recondite sesquipedalian items will appeal to the oniomania of an eximious Gemeinschaft whose legerity and sophrosyne, whose Sprachgef

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